I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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