He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
