So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
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I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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