Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
