Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
