But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
