how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
