Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
4 words: hood of his car
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
