I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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