Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
