I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
