hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
