it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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