Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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