this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
