Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
