that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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