Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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