He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Drake has all the answers
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
