drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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