Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
