An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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