he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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