SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The best revenge is premature balding
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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