Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
