you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
