I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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