Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How drunk are you?
Completed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
