Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
