Sponge bath it is.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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