I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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