I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
