Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
They are going to name an STD after you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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