Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
