Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
