the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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