what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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