It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
