Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
