I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
