I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
