Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
