I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
