So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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