I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
