Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
