I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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