so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
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Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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