Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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