I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
