it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
