i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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