Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
