Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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