Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
