pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
there is puke in my bra ... again
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