evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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