You're completely useless in the revolution.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
