I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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