we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
