Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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