why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
