just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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