apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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