How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piรฑata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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