have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
