the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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