bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
