Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
