Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
