Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
